I hope mine doesn't look like that
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
