I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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