I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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