Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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