I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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