We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
