I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
