Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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