Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
