I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
