mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
