ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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