my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
