I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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