I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My dick has a subreddit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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