My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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