my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
