her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
