I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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