We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
