I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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