It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
