I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
