Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
