if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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