We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
