we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
