party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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