Your face is a jimmy john
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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