I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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