I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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