She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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