Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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