ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
