Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wear drunk well.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
