And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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