I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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