we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
