you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
