My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
