So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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