fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
