Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
