I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
