i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
