Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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