Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
