Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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