fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
