I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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