he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
