Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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