i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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