she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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