exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize