3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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