So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
