just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
