i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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