I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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