proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
