Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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