My nipple is on Facebook.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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