After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize