we have officially lost it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
