the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
