I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
