My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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