Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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