I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You ruined the universe
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize