apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
