Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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